my life as a student

hi, my name's timmy. i'm a student at the local high school, and let me tell you about my life. school is tough, but it's also fun, sometimes. i wake up early in the morning, like 6 am, and then i brush my teeth and take a bath. after that, i grab breakfast, which could be toast or cereal, depending on how much time i have.

i love english class because we get to read books, but math, oh boy, that's a different story. it's like trying to solve a mystery without any clues. my teacher says i need more practice, but i think numbers just don't like me. i do better in history, where we learn about knights and castles. that stuff is cool!

after school, i play soccer with friends. we're not the best team, but we have fun. sometimes we win, sometimes we lose, and that's okay. then, it's homework time. it can take hours, but i try to finish before dinner so i can watch my favorite tv show.

on weekends, i help my mom with chores. she always says, 'teamwork makes the dream work,' and i guess she's right. i also like to draw, even though i'm not very good. i dream of becoming an artist one day, but my dad thinks i should focus more on my studies.

life is full of ups and downs, but i'm learning and growing every day. i'm just a regular kid trying to figure things out, and that's okay.

老師點評

timmy, your essay shows a genuine voice and personal touch. however, there are areas for improvement. in the second paragraph, 'like 6 am' would sound better as 'at 6 am.' also, 'numbers just don't like me' is a playful expression, but for a more formal tone, consider rephrasing it. lastly, 'it's okay' could be replaced with a more descriptive sentiment to enhance the narrative.

星級等級

四星

亮點分析

your essay shines in its portrayal of everyday life and personal aspirations. your use of colloquial language adds authenticity, especially when describing your struggles with math and passion for art.

優(yōu)化和改進

in the soccer segment, instead of 'we're not the best team, but we have fun,' you could say, 'despite our lack of victories, the camaraderie we share on the field brings immense joy.'

修改后范文

hello, i'm timmy, a high school student. each day begins at 6 am sharp, followed by a quick brushing and shower. for breakfast, it's either toasts or cereals, depending on the clock's urgency. english captivates me with its literary worlds, while math feels like deciphering cryptic codes without a key. my history teacher ignites my imagination with tales of medieval knights and their grandeur.

post-school, soccer matches with friends offer a refreshing break. our wins and losses are equally cherished, teaching us sportsmanship. homework follows, sometimes stretching into evening hours, but i strive to wrap it up before dinner, leaving room for my favorite tv series.

weekends involve household chores alongside mom. her 'teamwork' mantra resonates, and i find solace in drawing, even if i'm still a novice. aspirations of becoming an artist often clash with dad's emphasis on academic excellence, creating a nuanced balance in my dreams.

life, with its peaks and valleys, is a journey of constant learning and growth. i'm merely a young explorer navigating through the complexities, and that's perfectly fine.

閱讀參考

to refine your writing, explore diverse genres in literature, such as classics and contemporary works. also, delve into grammar textbooks to strengthen sentence structure and punctuation. practice writing narratives from different perspectives to develop a versatile writing style.

老師評語：